Button on the belly

Lately, my husband has discovered a disturbing problem. He has found it increasingly difficult to locate my bellybutton when he feels it needs a poke. Now bellybuttons have been a favorite landing spot for pokes since my early childhood, to the point where my brother and I contemplated manufacturing bellybutton protectors. (And as an older sister and aunt, I strive diligently to keep this noble tradition alive, sans protector.) But not only has my husband found it difficult to correctly locate said bellybutton, I have found that the general shape and placement of the little button seems to be changing along with the marked changes in my waistline. We have made great strides in overcoming the need for prefab, zero nutrition foods in our house, which has contributed somewhat to our overall health and well-being, yet still, my waistline seems to be changing shape at an alarming rate. Am I ill? Have I contracted some incurable disease that damages the general structure and shape of the innocuous button? Do I have a parasite? If so, it is a very large parasite. Imagine how Grover will feel if I try to use his bellybutton resting place. Whew!

Not my actual bellybutton

Upon seeking medical advice from a competent and well-informed friend, she suggested that I might have "the infamous Little-Puking-Ball-of-Flesh parasite!!!! I had two of those once. They're not bad once you get used to them. Especially because you can get big tax breaks if you get one removed." One can only hope that those tax breaks still apply upon its removal. Tomorrow we set an appointment to find out of the Ball-of-flesh parasite is of the male or female type.


Any prognostication? Prediction? Unwanted advice?