Traveler's guide

My brother lives in a little white house,

With 3 little gray kittens who chase the mouse,

And lots of fuzzy chickens and a little red wagon,

And a realio, trulio, really big black gun.

He has another kitten too, but it's kind of orange. It's a boy, though, so he's my nephews' favorite. My brother moved his family to a top pick of most visited destinations, so I thought to give future travelers a few thoughts on making the most of their visit.

Things to know:

• It's worth the trip.
• Only go in to the gas station if you have time for a chat.
• Chaps are in fashion. Feel free to wear them. Cowboy hats are welcome as well.

Things to see and do:

• Jump on the bed. The house came with an extra dusty mattress, now exclusively used for jumping.
• Watch the chickens and guinea chase bugs and zip around their little house. It's better than TV.
• Swat flies. They have a good supply, so don't hold back.
• Shoot a few rounds at the hay bail target. Try not to miss.

Things NOT to worry about:

• The coyotes and owls are not after you. They want the chickens or guinea fowl.
• The stink bugs and the earwigs aren't that bad. Just watch out before you use anything that may be moist, like a toothbrush or a washcloth.
• The scary basement is not haunted. It just has a frog and lots of old food. (The frog is live. Try to avoid stepping on it.)
• If wasps periodically drop from the tree on you, just step away. The chickens can eat them.
• My sister-in-law is a gracious hostess. If you need anything, just ask.

Things to bring:

• A fly swatter
• Shoes without laces that attract burrs and grass seeds...or be prepared to pick them out.
• A good sense of adventure. We had a great time.

Also, feel free to drive like my brother...at least, my older brother. The younger one only has a permit.