Dear Alexander,

8 October 2011

I went to sleep after hearing my cousin was in the hospital and dreamt all night he was in surgery and dying on his sister's wedding day and while I was trying to wake up, my husband rolled over and by mistake pinned me down while I tried to sit up and I could tell it was probably going to be a mixed up, run down, washed out every day day.

At breakfast my husband found an excellent frittata recipe on his computer but all I found on my computer was  'View your banking document' message.

I think I'll go fishing in Wyoming.

On the way to pick up bread the car door frame lunged at my head and really hurt and while I waited for the light to change my head kept pounding and the cars in front of me kept cutting me off and I felt like a crybaby.

I am having a mixed up, run down, washed out every day day I told myself. No one even answered.

There was a dead bee in the leek leaves for dinner and I hate dead bees. There was no ice cream for dessert because it was Saturday and I hate no ice cream days.

The dish water was too hot, I ran into the open cupboard door with the other side of my head, the garbage can was dripping something and my hair was frizzy. I hate my hair when it gets frizzy.

When I went to bed, my husband took my pillow and hit me with it and said we should pillow fight, my eye was hurting, and I got a mosquito bite.

He still wanted to sleep next to me though.

It has been a mixed up, run down, washed out every day day. He said some days are like that.

Even while fishing.

Smelly stuff

My little home often smells a little off when I walk in, including, but not limited to the fact that people live here, my neighbor's smoke gently wafts into our living room, we probably should take the garbage out more often, and a cat lived here once. In order to combat these smells and promote natural things in our home, I decided to try making a difference...or at least add a nice scent to mix in with the rest. I mixed rosemary, marjoram, cloves, allspice, cinnamon stick, and a little bit of black peppercorn, put it in my freshly made bag, and hung it up.

Has it made a difference? Not really, though I did catch a hint of it once. I try.

Go Dutch

Sept. 9 marks the anniversary of my return to the States after serving as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the Netherlands. I served there for about 16 months and learned a lot about myself and other people. I loved learning the creative and industrious way the Dutch people live.

What have I done since I returned 6 years ago? I married, graduated with a Bachelor's degree in Exercise Science, moved 8 times, held 7 jobs (one as short as 1 day (my client died the day after I started) and as long as 2.5 years and counting), visited 10 different states and 5 different countries, and certified as a Lifestyle and Weight Management Coach. Sounds busy.

So the toilet paper thieves have struck my home. We'll call this thief Simon. Simon leaves empty toilet paper roles on the holder. Occasionally, this makes for uncomfortable circumstances when one is in need of such paper. In my busyness this week, I decided to prevent Simon's doings further.
My experience in the Netherlands taught me that all bathrooms, or rather the WC, need 3 things above and beyond the toilet itself. Each WC contains a toilet bowl brush, a birthday calendar, and a spare paper roll holder. Generally these were lacy, fluffy white, beribboned contraptions. Not to break with tradition, but I didn't want lace, so I repurposed my old pants to do the job. Time to find another busy project.

Hup Hup Holland!

And a second try, this time with part of a dress.

The onion wrapper

My wish for a vegetable brush has increased to the point that I have actually looked for one. Amazing that someone like me would actually buy something out of normal weekly groceries. It's true; I don't like shopping. 

But today, while at the local whole foods store, I checked out their selection of kitchen gadgets and, lo and behold, found various good options. Wood, plastic, colored, seemingly limitless possibilities. One nice red one was priced about $3.50. Fine, lovely, except that it was just an onion sack with an elastic around the top to keep it on your hand. Brilliant, but am I really going to pay someone to package and name my onion sack scrubber? No, I'm going to go peel my onions out of the sack and scrub. No assembly required. Sure, it may fall apart after a few uses, but by then I'll have a new sack of onions. This way, I won't have to wonder how to clean it when it turns green and smells like the socks that haven't seen the light of day for a few weeks after the gym. I can just toss it and get another. Thanks for the inspiration you packaged, elastified little scrubby!

Curling and Cake

This post has nothing to do with hair. We're talking the sport of curling, with the rocks, brooms, and lots of ice. Last weekend two of my favorite people got married. (They made it!) The groom is Canadian, thus in honor of the traditions of the Great White North, the bride readily agreed to my idea of making a grooms cake resembling a curling rock. (The technical term is rock, not stone. I like being technical.)

This cake gave me an opportunity to learn what not to do in many, many aspects of cake making. You can learn them too, if you like.

I started by trying various cake recipes, and I landed on this one, thanks to my sister. I did decrease the sugar by a third, 2 cups instead of 3 cups, but I like less sweetness. I tried it out as cupcakes first and it worked perfectly. When I finally baked the cake, in three 9 inch pans, as the recipe suggests, the cake hardly rose at all and barely touched the sides of the pan. Something didn't work. Undaunted, or maybe a little daunted, I tried again, this time using a little more batter in the pan. It helped, but still didn't get as much lift as I wanted. Maybe 8 inch would work better.

For the filling, I wanted something non-fruit and non-whipped cream, something new, so I decided pastry filling, like what is used in Boston Cream Pie. My friend earned her master's degree in Boston, so I found it fitting. It's a recipe in the Joy of Cooking:

• Beat together until thick and pale yellow 1/3 c sugar, 2 T flour, 2 T cornstarch, and 4 large egg yolks.
• Slowly heat 1 1/3 c milk until simmering, stirring almost constantly.
• Add about 1/3 of the milk mixture, stirring quickly to temper the eggs without cooking them. Then add it all back in the pan, and stirring constantly and scraping the sides, heat on medium low until the mixture is thick.
• Pour into a new bowl and add 3/4 t vanilla. Cover with a layer of plastic or wax paper directly on the mixture. This prevents a non-yummy film from hardening on top of the cream. Cool a bit, then refrigerate for up to 4 days.

The icing is chocolate chips melted in a double boiler, or a non-melting bowl in a pot of simmering water, with a splash of water, and some butter added at the end to make it smooth. This can stay out of the fridge and is really yummy. The red chips were treated the same way, except they were red.

As you can see, the handle is rice crispies treat. My kitchen timer made a useful form to keep the handle up for long enough that it would set.

The set up of the cake was by far the most difficult part. Little did I know that this semi-solid pastry cream would easily melt into a not very pretty mess, leaving a very flat cake behind. Next time, use whipped cream or butter cream icing to make a well for the cream to sit it. I tried this on a second attempt, though my camera had died by then, only to revive later and die again, so I have no pictures of it. It's probably the best part of the story to skip anyway.

I had already tried to dip the handle in the red chocolate, but it wasn't very smooth, so my husband and I decided to try using a blow dryer to heat it enough to smooth it out. It worked beautifully once I decided to stop being so careful and just crank the thing. I hope I didn't scare the semi deaf dog in the process.

For the cake, I dumped a bunch of the warmed chocolate (warmed in a pot of hot water, not with the blow dryer) over the cake which was on a rack, and allowed the chocolate to run all over. It's best to work quickly so the chocolate doesn't harden in the wrong spot or too early. If it does, dip a metal knife or spatula in hot water, dry it, and use the heat from the knife to smooth it out.

With some left overs, I made little curling stones, just for some extra flare. I used straws for the handles. Even they had problems with oozing filling, so the take home is make a well, or maybe just a little hole in the little ones, to keep in the filling!!!

Best part: the gasp of delight bringing it out and the pleasure on the faces of those that enjoyed it. Cake done!

Wedding day advice

My apologies for those sick of wedding news, but Saturday will make the third wedding we have attended in 3 weeks. If a wedding is in your near future, here is my list of things, in no particular order, not to worry about...not that these are all from personal experience.

• If your maid of honor looks like a bag because her dress doesn't fit, it just makes the bride look better. If she breaks down in sobs, she can go cry in the corner.
• If your grandmother breaks her ribs the night before your wedding, it's okay.
• If your cake starts falling over, that's okay too.
  
• If it rains, it's only water. No need to fret.
• If your cousin or your sister need stitches because of a wedding injury, not to worry.
• If someone is sewing wedding clothes a few hours before the wedding, that's normal.
• If the best man doesn't know how to wear cuff links, no sweat. If he forgets his shoes, black socks and sandals look almost as good. Or maybe he can borrow some tennis shoes.
• If your garter gets stuck in the tree, let the men jump for it.
• If the 4-year-old decides she doesn't like the punch and dumps it back in the bowl, at least it's diluted.
• If the bouquet gets flung into the neighbor's yard, just hope the dog won't get it.
• If someone cannot drive because their dress is too restricting, they can change.
• If the bride forgets her slip, send the fiance.
• If a person of importance in the ceremony isn't informed she needs to help you, the guests can wait.

Any other tips?